Our “Garden”
It is all too easy to get caught-up in the day-to-day business of life, isn’t it? My husband and I have fallen victim to this busyness and business in our marriage lately. Realizing the effect on our relationship, coupled with the offering of a cabin in the woods and a mother-in-law visit (built-in babysitter), we decided to go away together for a night. It wasn’t long, but it was timely and much needed.
The cabin was perfect. Secluded and cozy, but with electricity, beds, kitchen, a beautiful view, and a fireplace, it was just what we needed to reconnect. Why is it that we forget so easily that we once found each other to be interesting, entertaining, fun, warm, witty, and exciting, once the children, and jobs, and responsibilities begin to come along? Why do we allow them to take all of our energy and focus, and don’t seem to save anything for each other?
I have a habit of going to garden stores and being attracted to the healthiest and most beautiful plant there. I bring it home and put it in the ground and take for granted that it is always going to look beautiful and healthy. I enjoy it for a while, but I have a tendency to forget that it needs watering, fertilizing, preventitave treatments, and weed control. Before long, it doesn’t look so beautiful and healthy anymore; in fact, it looks pretty brown and dull. Sound familiar?
I think that our marriages are much like this. We take our spouses for granted way-too-often. We are so secure in the love we have for one another, that we forget that this relationship needs attention and nourishing, just like a plant does. Our relationship is beautiful and healthy when we first get married. But, if we neglect it, it begins to wither, and the color begins to fade in time. If we allow other things to creep in and take our focus, just as weeds begin to creep in and effect the life of the plant, these things come in and begin to choke out the life that was once there in our marriage. They take a toll on this most important relationship.
I don’t mean to imply that we need to get rid of our children, our jobs, or our homes! Other plants can share the garden with our beloved “main” plant, but usually there is one plant that is the center focus of a flower garden. Our spouse needs to be the main focus of our life. These other “things” will be gone in time, but our spouse is the one that is to be there for life.
What can you do today to nourish your marriage? How can your make your spouse the main focus in your “garden” again? I challenge you to look at the health of your relationship and see where fertilizing and weeding needs to take place.
(If you have any great ideas, please list them in under comments. We all could use new strategies for putting life back into our most important relationship!)
I Could’a Said This (More Than Once)
Helen Rowland (English-American writer, 1876-1950)Forget the $$$
Almost $117,000. That’s how much a recent study by Salary.com says that we stay-at-home moms are worth this year if we were to be compensated for all the work we do. That’s a lot of housekeeping, cooking, childcare, personal shopping services, driving services, and dog walking!
The study said that the average working mother makes $68,404. But my thought is, doesn’t she have to come home from work and do all the above, as well? We moms just can’t seem to win. If we stay home, we work hard and make no money. If we work outside the home, we make some money, but still have to come home and do our “homework”, finding ourselves completely exhausted with nothing left to give our loved ones at the end of the day. So what’s the solution?
I think we need to ask ourselves: What will matter in 10, 20, or 100 years? Will it be that I went to work, toiled, paid some bills, or went on that fabulous vacation every year, and, in the meantime, worked myself to death? Or will it be that I had a home that my husband and children wanted to come home to everyday, that was a sanctuary, a positive environment for us to grow and learn and enjoy one another in, building relationships and memories that would last not only our lifetime, but in all of eternity?
Having been both a working mother and a stay-at-home mom at different points in my married life, I see the benefits of both. I enjoyed being a teacher, influencing other people’s children in a positive way, bringing home much-needed money to help cover our never-completely-covered expenses. But at the end of the day, it was tough coming home to the mounds of laundry, the empty cupboards, the hungry children and spouse, the messy house, and the lonely dogs. I felt as if I were drowning in all the responsibility and was never caught-up in any area of my life. The ones who suffered the most were my children and spouse, and my relationships with them. I was too tired to give them what they need from me most.
Now I am at home, only working a few hours each week making salsa (the kind you eat, not the dance) to help make ends meet, but with a bit more time to give to the house and the family. The piles of laundry aren’t as big, there’s a bit more food in the cupboards, the house isn’t quite as messy, and the dog is much happier. Most of all, I have more of me left at the end of the day to give to the ones who matter most. They may not pay me the $117,000 that they “owe” me, but the relationships that we are fostering are worth much more than that to me. That is thanks enough.
Recycling Post-It-Notes
It’s a funny thing, being a pastor’s wife. The expectations are enormous. One is supposed to sing, play the piano, make all one’s own clothes, feed a crowd on a shoestring budget… all the while smiling and keeping up the pretense that one “has it all together.” Of course, as anyone who knows me well knows, I do none of these things. Well, maybe the shoestring budget thing, but that’s it. I certainly don’t keep up the appearance of having it all together.
A few weeks ago we had a dinner at church on a Sunday night and fried chicken was on the menu. I ate and enjoyed. Then, I realized that I had a big ‘ole piece of chicken stuck right between my two front incisors. People kept coming by the table to speak to the pastor (my husband) and his wife (me), while I tried frantically to cover my mouth with my hand, and discreetly suck the poultry from between my teeth. It wouldn’t budge.
I excused myself to the ladies’ room and, thankfully, found it to be empty. Checking my purse, I found it empty also, as far as dental floss was concerned. Being the resourceful one that I am, I gingerly plucked a hair from my head and attempted to dislodge the stubborn hunk of bird with it. No luck. I rummaged through my purse again, looking for something – anything – that might be up to the job. I spotted a post-it-note with an old grocery list written on it at the bottom of my bag. It was my last hope.
Taking it between my two hands and opening wide, I shoved it between my pearly whites and begin to go after the white morsel. Just as it dislodged, the door swung open and one of our dear church members caught me with that piece of paper still in my hands and my hands still in my mouth. The chicken was now on the mirror. I was mortified!
I tried my best to explain, she sweetly pretended to understand, and I returned to my husband, not knowing if this would be the topic of conversation at the next women’s tea, or luncheon, or someone’s blog (where it would be for eternity). I am happy to report that she was a dear about the whole matter. I haven’t read it anywhere in cyberspace, have not had a rubber chicken placed anonymously in my chair at church, nor have I had children passing me in the hall crowing like roosters. She is a better woman than me.
I am sure that this is just one of many embarrassing moments that I will have in my career as a pastor’s wife, and will probably seem mild in comparison to some of the other things I am sure to do. My hope is, however, that it will show others that I am real, approachable, far-from-perfect, and being sanctified in my daily walk just as all the other women in our church are.
By the way, I now have a value-sized container of floss in my purse. I suggest that you do the same.
So True
I am not sure who said this, but it is beautiful:
“God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”
God also tells us that there will come a day when there is no longer pain and sorrow. Until then, isn’t it wonderful to know that He is with us every step of the way?
Consumer Church
The world’s message these days that “it is all about us”, and leads us to always be asking ”what’s in it for me?”. And it’s not just non-believers who fall for this; we (believers) seem to have bought into this mentality hook, line, and sinker, too. I am afraid that I am just as guilty – I want to be entertained and served just as much as the next guy (or gal). It comes as no surprise, then, that this spills over into our attitude toward church.
I was convicted about my unscriptural attitude today, as I read this Proverbs 31 daily devotional by Amy Carroll, entitled, “What Can I Bring?”:
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.” Colossians 3:16 (NIV)
“All good southern girls know that when you get an invitation to dinner at someone’s house, your affirmative response should be followed by, “And what can I bring?” (said in your kindest southern drawl). Even though your hostess might be graciously providing all of the fare, it’s just polite to ask.
So many times that’s not our approach to church attendance. Instead of contemplating what we can bring to the gathering, we are mostly focused on what we will get from the service. We arrive empty-handed, and often leave feeling disappointed if the music didn’t suit our tastes or the sermon didn’t move our souls.
Scripture tells us that we’ve got it all wrong. I truly believe that by coming to church with our hands full of gifts for others, we will leave more filled up than ever before. Let’s take a look at how we can contribute according to Colossians 3:16.
Teaching—Teaching requires you to be very well-versed in your subject. What a challenge for us! To come to church with something to teach, I have to study God’s Word all week. When I’ve learned personal lessons from His Word, then I have something to share.
Admonishing—The definition I believe most closely fits this usage is “to give friendly earnest advice or encouragement.” How can we prepare to admonish? I think prayer is key here. Often as I pray for someone, God gives me ways to encourage them or places to direct them in His Word. When we spend time listening and conversing with God during the week, He prepares us to give the gift of admonishment at church.
Singing—Some of you may be thinking that your singing wouldn’t be considered a gift to the church. If so, look at the phrase at the end of this verse, “with gratitude in your heart to God.” Gratitude and thanksgiving are definitely a gift in the body of Christ. If we come in with a heart that has been counting our blessings all week, we are ready to sing to Jesus. Plus, for all of us “joyful noise” folks, robust congregational singing really is a heart-lifter.
I’m challenging myself this week to get over my “what have you done for me lately?” view of the church. Instead, I’m going to treat Sunday morning as a spiritual potluck, and I’m working on taking something tasty to share!
Lord, help me to take something to share to church this week. Help me to focus on what I can do for others instead of what I can get for myself. I trust You to fill me up! In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
RC and Ben Stein
As a follow-up to my post on Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, I wanted to tell you about an interview that I just watched. RC Sproul, of Ligonier Ministries, who is a well-known reformed theologian, pastor, and writer, talks with Ben Stein about his movie/documentary. In case you aren’t familiar with it, Expelled is about the hostility and close-mindedness that the theory of intelligent design is facing in the academic world today (see blog post and link below). Stein is not a believer (he is Jewish), but he is a fellow conservative in a very liberal Hollywood world. Watch the interview here.
Better than 20/20
The effects of the fall, as well as time, are catching up with me. It used to be so easy to read, but lately I have noticed that I am having to hold my book (or newspaper, or magazine, etc…) further and further away. Suddenly, my arms are not long enough any more.
Recognizing that perhaps the problem was not with my arms, but, (gulp!) with my eyes, I made an appointment with an eye doctor. He confirmed what I expected: it is time for official reading glasses. I say official, because last year I broke down and bought those ugly drugstore ones. They always remind my of my old Sunday school teacher – the one who would stare at us over the tops of those little cat eye frames perched on his pointy nose, and declare that we needed to repent or we would burn in h-e-double toothpicks. But it seemed as if I was constantly playing teeter-totter with them. Up, down, up, down they went as I read, then looked up to speak or see the person speaking, removed them to see, looked back down to read, put them back on, then repeated this whole absurd exercise over and over. My arms were no longer just short, but also tired! Off to get (gulp, again!) bifocals.
As I think about how my sight is failing me, I am reminded of how God’s sight is always perfect, and is never failing. His is even better than 20/20; everything is crystal clear to Him. I think of when Adam and Eve were in the garden and were hiding because of their nakedness and sin. He knew just where they were and what they had done. I think of the times I have wandered and stumbled and wondered if God remembered me. He did. Not only did He remember me, but he never had turned His eyes away from me. He does, in fact, see my nakedness and my sin. But how wonderful it is to know that He loves me in spite of my imperfections! How reassuring to know that He sees me when I stumble, and reaches out His mighty hand to lift me up. How comforting to know that He sees me when I am in need and already has a plan to take care of that need – far beyond what I could have even imagined.
The psalmist who wrote Psalm 139 knew all of this, too. He said ”O, Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.” He also recognized that there is no place one can go that is out of God’s sight: “Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.” He also stated that “my frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in you book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.”
But the psalmist was reassured, just as I am, in knowing that God is not only watching, but also protecting and providing. He wrote :” You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.” Also: “If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.” How comforting it is to know that, unlike me, God’s sight will never fail Him!
As for me, I am wondering where my body will fail me next. Am I going to develop a goiter? Arthur-itis? Old timers? Need a new hip? Lord, get ready to lift me up!
