Holiday Eating Tips
Warning: If you are a health nut, don’t read the following. It might give you heartburn. If you are ready to get into the Christmas spirit, read on!
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare… You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two slices of apple and one slice of pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “WOO HOO! What a ride!”
Another Desperate Housewife
I have been keeping a website to myself for sometime, but it is too good not to share. Even if you don’t love to cook, you will still be entertained by The Pioneer Woman. She is a talented writer, photographer, and cook, but more importantly, really entertaining. She makes me laugh out-loud (and,of course, my children come running to see what I am viewing, thinking it is something naughty). She has great recipes, which is what drew me to it to start. But I keep going back, not only for food, but because it is fun. Try it and let me know what you think. It isn’t a Christian site, but it may bring a smile to your day.
She’s Back!
Let me just start by saying that I hate spiders. The very thought of them usually gives me the severe heebie-jeebies. Snakes don’t bother me (we have one named Sherman as a pet). Mice don’t make me scream or stand on a chair. Most insects don’t make me even flinch. But spiders are another creature all together. Have you ever looked at one under a microscope?!
Typically when I see a spider, I think “shoe or fly swatter?”. This summer, however, one spider has won me over. Early in July, my children noticed a very large Orb weaver on a very large web by the back door. She had spun her sticky threads between the corner of the house and a citronella torch a few feet away. I have to say that it was the most lovely web I had ever taken the time to notice, since I am usually looking for the shoe or fly swatter (see above).
Her work of art must have been four feet across, and about four feet high, with the most intricate pattern of threads holding it together. It was truly a thing of beauty, and I did not have the heart to disturb it. Besides, I figured as long as she stayed outside the door and didn’t dare to venture through the door, she was probably doing useful work keeping the pesky insects at bay. We admired her work and went in another door.
The next morning we noticed that she and the web were nowhere to be seen. ”Probably eaten by one of the many bats we see flying around the pool after dark”, we figured.
It was at dusk that we noticed that she was back, spinning at breakneck speed. It was a thing of beauty to watch her at work and we were truly mesmerized by her skill. How could she do that so quickly and so surely? How could she go to that much trouble, night after night after night? How could she create something so lovely, only to tear it down (or have it torn down) and have to start all over again the next day?
We watched this with great fascination for weeks, always at night, and always with the same amount of speed and tenacity. One night last week, however, my son noticed she was not there. It was completely dark, but she was not to be found. Had a bat now gotten the best of her? I knew from teaching 7th grade science that these spiders could live for several years; was she at the end of her life span? We wondered what had become of our “Charlotte”. I had to admit it: I actually had come somewhat attached to her.
This spider had been a great illustration to my family about God’s creativity and purposeful design. This was but one of many types of spiders, which are but one of many types of animals, which are but one of many types of creatures on this earth. And yet God had made her unique from other spiders, gave her the innate ability to do something amazing, something that blessed us with its beauty, which also had a very practical purpose for the weaver: a way to feed herself each night. How could all of that just happen, without a brilliant Mastermind behind it all? It was another reminder to us that there really is a God, and we are way more important to Him than this arachnid. His design of us was even more incredible than His design of any other creature. And more importantly, He is always at watch over us, never losing sight of us the way that we had lost sight of Charlotte.
I am happy to report that she reappeared after a few days and is back to work each night. I don’t know where she disappeared to (do spiders go on vacation?), but my kids and I are thankful she’s back. Her webs are as incredible as ever, serving as a small reminder to us of the One who originally designed them, the One who gives the ability for them to be made, and the One who blesses us each and every day with all that He has created.
Christian Pick-Up Lines
I saw these on the internet today and they made me laugh. Glad I’m married.
Top Christian Pick-Up Lines
1) Nice bible.
2) God told me to come talk to you
3) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.
4) Christians don’t shake hands, Christians gotta hug!
5) Oh you are cold. Ecclesiastes 4:11 says that if two lie together, they keep warm.
6) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
7) The word says “Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the
hungry”, how about dinner?
You don’t have an accountability partner? Me neither.
9) You want to come over and watch The 10 Commandments tonight?
10) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
11) Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my
heart and wait on hand and foot?
12) Do you believe in Divine appointment?
13) Have you ever tried praying at a drive in movie before?
14) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
15) You know they say that you have never really dated until you
have dated a Christian.
16) Yeah, I predicted David over Goliath.
17) What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark.
18) We have to hold hands when we pray so the circle won’t be broken.
19) Christians kiss before parting — it’s an old Jewish tradition.
20) I hear there’s gonna be a love offering tonight.
Post-Vacation Blues
It was inevitable: the post-vacation blues have arrived. Am I the only one that suffers from this disorder?
Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t have a perfect vacation. The kids fought a lot the first few days. Life at home is usually busy, we go in so many different directions, we are rarely all at home together anymore. I think my children had to figure out how to be together again and enjoy one another without the usual distractions. My husband had to remember how to relax without feeling guilty. I had to remember that even though I was on vacation, I still had to be a wife and mother and give some thought to those pesky responsibilities that never go away (like meals and dirty clothes). All of that took about 3 days.
Just as we began to enjoy ourselves, Will developed a bad rash on his leg and we make a visit to the doc-in-a-box for steroids and antibiotics. The dog ate the leftover raw chicken that the kids were putting in the crab trap (after it sat on the dock in the hot sun for two days) and became ill. She did survive, but it was touchy there for a day. Anna Scott developed bronchitis and worried us all with her coughing. I am happy to report that she also survived, and is doing better on her antibiotics:). And Bill and I got terribly sunburned when I tried to save a few bucks and use last year’s suntan lotion. Bad idea.
Sound like fun to you? It was for us. As we say in our family, when things don’t go as planned, we “made memories”. There was much upside: we had a great time on the beach, in the sound, in the pool, on the brother-in-laws’ boats, watching the 4th-of-July fireworks from the water, playing with cousins, going to the waterslide, playing game after game of UNO, celebrating Will’s 17th birthday by watching him parasail, digging for sanddollars, visiting the aquarium (see Anna Scott’s picture at right), and much, much more. Also, my mother-in-law came and helped tremendously with the meals and dirty clothes! Most of all, we enjoyed one another and enjoyed being a family again. Isn’t that what vacation is all about?!
Sigh. When can I go back?
Vacation’s All I Ever Wanted
This week we leave for the beach – finally. It is the two weeks that I have been looking forward to since last summer, when we had our two weeks at the beach . Our family loves the beach, anytime of the year, but especially during the summer. There is just no place like it, in my opinion.
Last summer was the first year that we did two weeks in a row, and easily decided that we would never do anything but, from then on out. It takes a day to get there, a day to get home, and usually about two days to really begin to unwind and enjoy relaxing. If you’re only there a week, that leaves just 3 days of “real” vacation!
So we’re off on Tuesday night, as soon as our oldest son is off of work. That way, we wake up Wednesday morning where we want to be, instead of looking toward the drive. That way we sleep late, and hit the beach early. That way, the vacation is one day longer!
So, if you need me during the next two weeks, look for me at Pine Knoll Shores, on the sand, in the surf, reading that book I’ve been wanting to read all year, or taking a nap. I’ll be the one with the red nose and the big smile:)
Reflections on Father’s Day
I couldn’t help but think of several friends on Father’s Day last Sunday; friends who have experienced the loss of their own fathers in the last few years. I am sure that it was a bitter-sweet day for them. They must have been thankful for the years they had with their dads, thankful for the memories they made with them, thankful for the way their husbands father their own children. But I am sure that they were sad to not be able to call their fathers on this day, or any other, to say thank you directly, and tell them how much they mean to them.
My own father has been in declining health the last few years. A heart attack, several bypass surgeries, Parkinson’s disease, diabetes, and age have taken their toll on this man who once seemed invincible to me. His formerly strong hands now shake, his walk is unsteady, his mind not what it used to be. Yet I am grateful that he is still around for me to hug, talk to, and continue to make memories with. I don’t know how much longer his 78 year-old-body can hold out, but as long as he is here, I am thankful.
It is a comfort to me to know that our Heavenly Father never tires, never weakens, never falters. He is the same today as He was yesterday, and will be a thousand years from now. Our earthly fathers should be a glimpse of our Heavenly Father – loving, supportive, wise, provisional. But they are flawed, and time takes its toll on them, unlike our Heavenly Father. James 1:17 says ”Whatever is good and perfect comes to us from God above, who created all heaven’s lights. Unlike them, He never changes.” He will always be loving, supportive, wise, provisional, and so much more.
My heart goes out to those who have lost their dad. I know that loss is felt everyday. I dread the day that my own dad is gone. But I find comfort in knowing that when he goes, my dad will be made whole again, will never again falter or stumble. And that when my time comes, we will experience the wonderful love of our Heavenly Father together, for all of eternity.
Orange Bliss
I remember one particular visit to a favorite aunt and uncle’s home when I was about 10-years-old. Not having children of their own, they were unaware that my younger brother and I would probably prefer peanut butter sandwiches over pimento cheese. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, so I pretended to “love” my pimento cheese sandwich, while trying to discretely hide pieces of it in my pocket. The jig was up, however, when I excused myself to the bathroom, attempted to flush it all down the toilet, and promptly overflowed the (now) orange mush all over the blue-carpeted bath.
Boy, have I come long way! What I made into orange mush then, is orange bliss to me now. I love pimento cheese. I bring tubs of it home from the grocery store, and savor it on crackers, bread (always white!), celery, or just a spoon. I can’t get enough of the stuff. Stan’s has become my favorite brand, as it seems to have the perfect blend of sweet, salty, and creamy for me, although Harris Teeter’s house brand tastes suspiciously just like it, so I like it, too.
This guilty pleasure has become so costly (have you seen the price of a tub?), that I am now on a quest for a reasonable and delicious recipe for this wonderful concoction in hopes of saving a bit of our hard-earned grocery money. I first tried putting mayo, sharp cheddar, and diced pimentos together, but found it to be lacking. I tried adding garlic powder, then lemon juice, then worcestershire, but still didn’t hit on the right flavor. Someone told me that Stan’s had brown sugar in it (no wonder I liked it best!), but even that didn’t seem to do it. I am beginning to get discouraged.
Yesterday I tried a recipe by Paula Deen, the southern cooking guru. I thought “surely this will be the end of my journey”, but, alas, it was not to be. It was good, but it wasn’t “it”. Maybe I am asking too much; maybe this is my Holy Grail. Or maybe, one just more recipe, yet to be discovered, will be the be-all, end-all of my pimento cheese quest.
Wonder if more brown sugar could be the answer?!
Is Oprah’s Star Falling?
Nielsen Media Research has released a report recently that stated that Oprah Winfrey’s television show, as well as sales of her “O” magazine, are suffering steep declines in their ratings. The article in the New York Times states: “Winfrey’s talk show has fallen nearly 7 percent this year, its third straight year of decline. Meanwhile, Audit Bureau of Circulation figures show her magazine slipping more than 10 percent in three years.”
The article questions whether it might be due to Oprah’s endorsement of Barack Obama for president. I want to offer another possible explanation: her publicized endorsement of the New Age movement. In the last few years, she has become widely outspoken in her rejection of traditional Christian beliefs, and embraced writers that acclaim Eastern teachings, “feel good” philosophies, and New Ageism. Anyone who has read Eat, Pray, Love, The Secret, or A New Earth (books endorsed by her) knows what I am talking about.
I wonder if other Believers, like myself, have lost interest in Oprah simply because they have lost respect for her. I never was an Oprah fanatic, but did find her show interesting and, at times, educational. Over the years I have even heard Christians say that they thought that she was a Christian, as well, because she had made reference to the Baptist church that she was raised in.
I think that she has left little doubt, however, where she now stands in her faith. We, who find our hope and salvation in Christ (not in the belief that salvation lies in each person doing what makes them ‘happy’), need to covenant to pray for her and all of the others who have fallen victim to the lost teachings of these lost teachers.
“He who heeds the word wisely will find good, and whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he (Proverbs 16:20).”
Related: Is Oprah Starting Her Own Cult? (From Fox News)
A Girl Named Maria
My heart is heavy today. Someone I didn’t even know has passed away, but I cannot help but be touched by her story. In case you haven’t heard, the youngest child of Steven Curtis Chapman, a well-known Christian singer and songwriter, was killed in a tragic accident yesterday at the tender age of 5.
Maria was one of three girls that was adopted from China by the Chapman family over the last 5 years. She must have lived a charmed life, with her loving parents and five other siblings. In a heartbeat, all of their lives were changed, when she was accidently struck by a car driven by one of her brothers in their driveway in Tennessee. My sympathy goes out to all of them, but especially the brother who will undoubtedly carry this burden all of his days.
Having experienced the loss of a child myself (actually two), I know the pain and the grief that this family will experience. I know the birthdays and death anniversaries that come and go; the way they feel sad and sweet all at the same time. I know the questions that they will most likely have for and about God: ”How can He be sovereign and loving, and yet allow this terrible thing to happened anyway? How can this be good? Why did He allow this? Where is He in all of this?”
Pray for this family. Pray that they will stand firm in what they know to be true; that our God is loving, sovereign, wise, and good. That sometimes His ways are far beyond our understanding, but one day we will be with Him in Glory and know His love, sovereignty, wisdom, and goodness firsthand. Pray that this family will experience joy in knowing that little Maria had the most wonderful 5 years on this earth, surrounded by a family who loved and adored her, and that she is now surrounded with ones who love her even more than this family was humanly able. Pray that they will be thankful for the time that this precious one brightened their lives and returned their love with abundance. And pray, especially, for a brother who must be experiencing pain, sorrow, and guilt beyond comprehension. Pray that he would feel God’s love and forgiveness and comfort.
Here is a blog that has been set-up in her memory, and includes a video of Maria with her daddy. Grab your Kleenex before you watch.
